I’ve been called mentally ill and accused of hurting Todd. It feels like no one cares about me or if I die. People make fun of who’s handling the OJ case and the Federal building with all its lights on. Everyone is misinformed about major catastrophic losses. Surviving by iPhone and having a poor sense of humor, I record everything and talk to myself before podcasts, which feels like unsafe documentation of issues.
I struggle with self-harm, losing love, and scaring people away. Injuries require months to heal, and people make fun of my issues, disappointments, and punishments. Breaking my computer in half is dismissed as no big deal. I’m mocked for being mentally ill and naked online for no reason. My tears don’t convey what’s too late or what love is for. I exist, taking photos of myself crying, and people make fun of all the ways I was rejected and left alone.
Threats of jail and being told I’m too late make everything worse. People don’t listen and make fun of my year of punishment, dating issues, and texts. Being in the ER when I reached out didn’t make sense. Life often doesn’t make sense, and hurting me seems to be the norm. No one can help or protect me from harm. A single hit with a force so powerful no human can withstand it is mocked.
My dialogue with officers in OC is offensive, and it’s not about making fun of how strong I need to be. Questioning whether I’m human, female, or soldier material, I don’t have sex. Ellen DeGeneres didn’t hurt me, nor did suicide. Presenting a hurtful concern worried many people. Someone with a life, jobs, talent, and a real love story is giving up.
Instead of accusing me, defending myself, or making fun of what happens to me, people continue to exclude me. Public efforts or concerns for the people or public are mocked. It’s not about life happening or accusing me of not working hard independently. Time apart, instability, job loss, and loss of respect are not believable, and no solution has been found.
Attacking me, calling me low class, and making fun of my Instagram or life issues, besides losing my father and being too late to get a job, are constant. I’m not responsible for disability or time off meds. I’m not hospitalized, but people make fun of me for not being a doctor or knowing how to take care of myself. I’m given a hard time, told I don’t have ADD or a disability, and accused of disease.
It’s not how I present myself that’s good enough; it’s what’s called mental illness or the challenges I face. Using texts, blocking my phone, and sending race-related self-harm messages, I’m not allowed to manage my meds. Anything about punishing me is wrong. If you’re calling me delusional or mentally ill, it can’t be supported. Don’t view me as unworthy or mistake kindness for anything else.
I’m not trying to prove I’m smart. Constantly making me feel stupid and not caring, using voices to make a condition lifelong, I’ve done my best. In the end, no one respected my effort. After four years of improvement, being myself, I’m still called delusional and made to feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t deserve rest, and my limits are pushed. Voices make a big deal about things, but I’m punished and blamed for improving or not alerting someone to stop.
If you slow me down, stop me, put me to sleep, or cause obesity and oversleeping, it’s not about me not being female or helpful. Hurting me as guilty or lying, no one accepts me or my story. In the end, I’m not on any team. Nothing was simplified or shown to tell me I’m stupid, retarded, rejected, sick, or loved. A sex connection joke in every way, I was punished and demanded of things.
It’s not my emergency or reports that matter enough for the public to keep track of something called sick. If I’m not special or recognized, no time is a good time. Making fun of me being told no or not knowing if I’m going to be hurt isn’t about using people to hurt me or a lawsuit. Instead of making fun of phone calls and handling difficulty in private, please stop calling me delusional. Don’t allow me to talk to anyone, be alone, or try not calling 911. I work hard to stay sober and handle my losses with respect.
The issue alleged isn’t about calling me stupid, retarded, low class, not human, or a woman. In the end, no one protected me. I got hurt in a way I can’t talk to anyone about, ruining my life. It will take four years to recover and quit court. Making fun of making me sick and canceling an interview is not acceptable.
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